This is not how I ever expected my life to be. I never wanted to be lying on this bed, high from tonight’s dose of coke I had to take in order to get myself here.
I had dreams of being something, maybe going to school, getting a degree, and getting a good job. I used to dream of the day I would walk down the aisle and marry the man of my dreams, I used to imagine what my children would look like, but now that is the furthest thing from my mind.
I wish I could go back, to the first time I decided it would be a good idea to go to bed with a person for money. At that time it seemed exciting and fun, what could go wrong? I thought that if I just did a couple times I would have enough money to start my dreams. I did not know that once I got in, I would never get out.
I had to start the drugs, in order to feel comfortable climbing into bed with another nasty person who wanted to grope me who I had to let put his hands all over me. I could not even stand to look at myself anymore. I felt disgusted with what I was doing.
Soon, I became addicted to drugs, and had to continue my career as a prostitute to support my habit.
I went from being a beautiful, young woman, to being a crack whore. My body became as worn and withered as my soul and self-esteem.
Yet here I am still turning tricks, and doing drugs, using men who have fallen in love with me to pay off the debts that I have obtained. Letting my dealers go after the men, instead of taking responsibility myself, and asking them to pay for all of my drugs so that I can get through the day.
I know there is no turning back, there is no way out, I have gotten in so deep, I can no longer see the light at the top. I can never set these men free from the misery I have created for them and myself, I will hold onto them and suck them dry as long as I can. I will continue to drag us down until there is no turning back.
I hate myself, I hate this life, I hate these drugs, I cannot stand it anymore, it is time for more coke, maybe a drink, anything to blind me from this never-ending pain I have created for myself.