There I sat, listening to the radio as low as I could as I wrote and read some books. Looking out the window of the Freightliner truck, the sound of loud snoring coming from the bunk behind me. By now I have trained myself to allow the music and my thoughts drown out the sound of dad cutting wood as he slept.
I loved that fact that I could stay up while he slept so I could let my create juices flow through me. When I was home, I had to go to sleep early and my brain would not shut down, so I found myself staring into the darkness. When I was on the road with dad however, I got to sleep while dad drove, and stay awake as he slept.
When he was awake, and I had changed the channel from whatever interesting music I had found back to an oldies station, I would share something interesting I had found in my readings for my homework or a book I was reading. This would often lead my father into telling me a story about what he thought of the fact I told him. Even though he often tries to portray himself as not being a smart man when we are at home, I always ended up looking at him with amazement because his insight and the beauty of his knowledge was miraculous to me.
Dad always made traveling through the states so that we could deliver his load interesting and fun. I did not even mind having to attempt balancing on a bucket, maybe even mooning the “four wheelers” as they passed by the tiny window in the bottom of the passenger door.
I cannot help but miss traveling. Hell, I had travelled across the United States before I was five years old, and now I have forced myself to stay in this small town. I miss the thrill of not knowing where I would wake up in the morning, and seeing the beauty of the world around me.
Why have I let so much time pass me by, without discovering the world around me? I guess I was just afraid to do it, but now I need to. I suppose in a way I have been on a journey all this time, it just hasn’t been around the world. Instead, it has been a journey within myself. I have been learning how to be the mother, friend and wife I want to be. I have learned how to not only love myself, but also like myself.
I do know that once I have finished on this personal journey I would like to begin a physical one. I think it could bring me closer to myself and to my father, and I really need him every day of my life.